By their friends ye shall know them ...

I can identify friends of mine who fit all three descriptions. I also see myself as the last type, but I assume that's how most people view themselves. I personally find that I can deal with the other types better once I identify their "type" and therefore can predict how they will respond. For example, I don't get as disappointed when a "convenience" friend bails on me because I know in advance that it's likely.

Paddy,

What a good, caring, and thought-provoking article.

A long time ago someone taught me about drawing circles. Draw a circle: in that circle is you. Now you add in your immediate family who you trust and vice-versa, and any friends that are so deep and true that well, if they called you in the middle of the night and said "help" you'd go right away, mortage the house if you had to in order to help them, and vice versa.

There usually aren't too many names in that circle with you. And that, my teacher said, is how it should be.

We have a society based on artificiality and I think the term "friend" gets tossed about a lot. In older days, there was an accepted difference between an acquaintance, a colleague, a friend, a dear friend, etc. But that seems to have blown away.

My friends cover the gamut of political thought, and a wide range of backgrounds, religions, and races. But they all have many of the same qualities in common. Which brings us back to the circles.

The idea is that you keep drawing circles. The next circle, outside the core of you--some even say that the first circle should contain you and you only, to remind you of many things--contains the people that you know deeply and trust, who will support you but aren't necessarily the ones you can call out at 3 a.m., no matter what. They might be there at 7 a.m. (grin!), but they'll be there.

And you keep drawing circles further out and adding names. When I did this exercise, it cleared my mind wonderfully. Immediately I could see that, as I'm pretty darned outgoing, I had assigned a higher level of "friend" to someone who really was a friendly colleague. I learned a lot from that.

The second part of the teaching is then to look at the names in your inner circle, and maybe two others. Then ask yourself--why them? The answers wind up teaching you about your own value system. And so on as you work the circles further out.

Among my friends--one I call my absolutely most favoritest far-right-wing Conservative Republican, more than 20 years now. Among my friends--the other side of the political spectrum. But they share the same intrinsic qualities and standards.

For me, genuine friendship includes many things, including values and standards. Among them: is this person positive? There are far too many negative people, those who like to drag others down via nitpicking, criticizing, or just plain arguing to hear their own voices. The people I call friends are those who have incredibly positive effects on the world and on the people around them.

I meant to recommend a book to you on the other thread by Dr. Norman Cousins, about his bout with serious heart disease and other health problems. The name will come back to me eventually.

And, I also like reading Jim Rohn--not because I'm in sales, but because he, like Dr. Cousins, has so many things right: good attitude, good values, high standards, associate with people who upllift and have similiar standards, and make sure that if you are with people who don't make you feel good, or in a place that isn't making you grow and feel good, then find the place and people that don't take away from your life, but add to it, just as you add to theirs.

That's a longish answer, but I think your article and question are so very worthy. And thank you for making me rethink this.

My circles are filled with love and positive, wonderful people. And that in itself is good medicine!

Best,
Ardith